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that they have been forgotten can be a good thing

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Monday, March 27th 2006

11:15 AM

~*~the good mother~*~

  • Mood: ~*~sad~*~
  • Music: ~*~a distant dirge~*~

 she had no practice to become the "good mother".....she had no "good mother" of her own so she had no model.....she only remembered her mother and her mothers sisters drinking....being too loud and cuffing her and her sister around......hiding in closets....out in the forest.....down by the beach....up on the roof of their house....

they longed to be forgotten......

she tried to protect her sister and was completely loyal to her....but even then it was every child for herself.....she became embarrassed as she grew older because when anyone raise their hand near her she ducked her head and covered her face to ward off the inevitable blows she reflexibly knew were coming.....

when her mother was drunk she spoke the native tongue...she learned her tribal language that way...but never spoke it....because her relationship with it was confused and cruel in her mind.....

her father tried to keep a grip on the situation...to manage his drunken wife....to protect his maltreated children....but she and her sisters were too much for him...eventually he was driven away....to only see them one day a week.....the percentage of time was too small to relieve their pain and support their maturation...

they began to wander in that half world of desolation

they only had themselves to bring light and love into their lives....but they didn't know how to do it.... they couldn't find their way.....there weren't even breadcrumbs on the path....the ravenous Raven had eaten the few that were there.....and so they were lost ....

and the forest closed in on them....... 

when she left the forest to try to learn the things she would need to be a whole person and a "good mother"....she promise her sister she would return to take her out of the forest.....but she was gone too long....longer then a  younger child alone could hold on to her unraveling self...

her reach for survival became her sisters undoing......

it was sad that they had no "good mother"........it crippled them in many ways that never came to light.....and left both of them with a sense they were unsafe in the world....and they looked at their lives thru a glass darkly....and found it difficult to find the sun......they had little reach for their ability to trust had been deeply compromised....

was there anyone who could be trusted.....

and so they were frozen in an icey space...hands..hearts..reaching out but afraid to gasp anothers extended hand..... or welcome anothers open hearts.....

hands could soothe...and hands could hurt....

hearts were ever changing....difficult to gain....and easily lost

was there anyone who could  dry their tears away......untangle the deadly web of mistreatments illusions.......create color and resonance in their lives......would it be too late ???????????

or had they been forgotten too long..........

 

 to continue read next post

11 if you speak.

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Posted by Roger Lindstrom:

This moved me Rog



Wednesday, May 24th 2006 @ 1:16 PM

Posted by The Zoo:

Oh it is sad Nanz! But in a good book kind of way! How do you where to go next? You are so good at the order of things or whatever I mean! Anyway, we don't have kleenex so I brought a roll of TP. Hope you don't mind. Oh, see you next entry! XO
Tuesday, May 16th 2006 @ 9:30 PM

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